I have finally figured out what is wrong with my life. I mean I had to sit down yesterday and think hard for two three hours or more, not an easy task given that I intend to make a living as a thinker and am saving all my thinking capacities for later on.
anyway, the basic premise of this thought process was the knowledge that nothing has been going right inmy life since November, ok, lets not be so melodramatic and say that nothing has been going right, just that the course work that had to be finished in January is still left and that I haven't done anything that can even remotely be considered academic in quite some time now.
so what do smart people like me do when they are faced with a problem? They look for its cause. And when they find it, they also find a solution. Or atleast that is what it usually happens.
so I started by thinking what are the things that have changed in my life since November? I still have the most important people in my life: both BOYFRIEND and friends, (even though the last ones seem to be spending more time with an adorable puppy called simba than with me, but then such things happen).
I still smoke, so this is not an withdrawal syndrome, even though I don't think anyone has heard of an withdrawal syndrome that has lasted for four months.
I am still gaining weight, and have resigned myself to the fact that this is an irreversible process.
I have also been religiously falling ill once a month atleast, and in the last case have spent one whole month in bed.
so the only thing that seems to have changed is that I no longer have classes to go to. I don't have to wake up in the mornings anymore, I don't have to hide from adorable professors when I run out of excuses, I don't have to read for class and to top it all I can not bitch about stupid questions that I would have never asked in class because I am so smart.
now all my time is my own. Like the superannuated Charles Lamb, time hangs heavy on me . I can go wherever I want to and do whatever I like, all my time is MINE ALL Mine.
and I hate it.
and I don't do any work.
what is the solution?
among other things.......Have a stomach upset.