Monday, February 22, 2010

it hurts so much that for once it seems easier to abandon the third person narrative. it seems impossible to hide behind medusa, now that most certainties have been dismissed and all uncertainties and fears have come true.
have always known self to hurt physically when sad. but this time beats all other previous times. i walk in a haze of headaches, slow, dull throbbing behind the forehead, inability to look at anything that is bright, or hear anything that is loud. things around me appear to be covered in some kind of dull powdery grains that shrivel up to my touch. my unhappiness hangs around me like a limp curtain that i can touch, but never move.
had always prided self on being able to sleep sadness off, but now can no longer sleep. waking up means headaches, but still, every morning is a battle with wakefulness, the attempt to hold on to the comfort and safety of pillows and blankets, the need to quench the all-consuming thirst without getting off the bed.
i'm thirsty, and aching.


  1. ghumolei je shob thik hoye jai na, sheta herbert sarkar o janto na... ogotya.

  2. Well, I always felt that you were sad...but never really got myself ask you as I believe that such feelings were much too private...I always felt that you were hiding behind some curtain of apparently energetic, carefree, joyful person...but I do not think you know that the mask has slipped quite often...and I am not referring to your visibly 'low mood' phases, mind you! I am not going to ask you why you are sad...but can only share this that we all are on the same expressed it to the world...I could not...what's the use? It's better to share your happiness; for my experience says that it's very difficult to convey or make people understand why are you feeling, I do not even try! And when you have such hypermasculine men surrounding you in that industrial wasteland which we pretentiously call 'college', it's better to be like them...sometimes, pretentions help! Even though you are being dishonest with your ownself! Cheers!